Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
