We need to rekindle our bromance
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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