the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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