Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
