hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
