dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
