I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
