Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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