I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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