You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
