You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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