Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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