Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
