There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
