Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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