Ambien. No doubt about it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
