I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
