oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
