So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
