you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
