I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
