So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
