You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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