Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
