my being single is dangerous.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
