I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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