No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
