Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
