His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
