After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
