U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
