Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am available for nakedness
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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