They should really pass out barf bags in church
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
