im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
