i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
