who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
