when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
