Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
