I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Jerry, you need to find god
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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