you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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