Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
