Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
