it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
