like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
