dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
