in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
