Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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