We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
