Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
