GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
